GOD!!
Overslept today..
Wanted to wake up early to do some studying de..
But in the end i woke up at 10...
*cause weiloon called me.*
Thank goodness, he called me today, if not i really will oversleep de loh!
Then went Jurong Point to eat Breakfast + Lunch with weiloon..
BUT!! I forgot to bring money...
zzz
So in the end we went SP without eating..
...
Really cannot sia..
Without MAMA, i really cannot wake up on time.
DAMN IT!
But, they coming back tomorrow morning.. ^^
♥ 1:34 AM
Second day since they left..
Seems like i have grown..
I no longer cry when i'm alone.
I no longer fear when i'm alone.
I can enjoy being alone now.
But when i heard the highness over at the other side of the phone, I almost let my tear took over me.
How i wished i was over there.
How i wished i can personally wish her happy birthday.
How i wished i can see them again..
It's okay, isn't it?
Since it's no choice that i can't go.
I have a paper to take which didn't allow me to go.
But when i heard their happiness over the phone, i was thinking..
It's great to be with them isn't it?
It's great to be with your family...
It's great to have relatives who cares and support each other..
I want to see them soon..
SOON..
Hopefully they will be coming over during the Nov/Dec holiday..
....
Tomorrow will be the second last paper..
MIP..
GAMBATTE!!
♥ 9:12 AM
Feeling much better now.
Went to malaysia the last 2 days..
时不时出去转转一下心情还不错...
我现在已经okay了...
什么事都难不倒我!
哈哈哈哈
=="
好白痴哦!
明天要做最后的充斥!
施谊,加油!
♥ 9:30 AM
有很多话不是不想说...不是不肯说...
而是...说不出口...
我有很多话想说...
可是,我不能说...
因为我在自己身边围了一道墙...
一道让谁也无法接近我的墙...
我们可能看起来像是好友...
可是,我们一点都不是...
感觉上,我们只是在学校一起上课的同学...
除了功课,我好像都进不了你们的话题...
虽然每当有人问起,我都回说自己不介意...
可是,我真的不介意吗?
说不介意应该是骗人的吧?
说真的...我不原意说,其实也是怕他们会觉得有负担...
好像是因为责任而和我做朋友...
好像是为了跟我做朋友而做的...
那真心在哪里?诚意在哪里?
如果不是真心诚意的,那还算是朋友吗?
我从来不肯把心情写在部落格上,因为我害怕他们看了会有负担...
可是,看来他们应该不会来这里看吧...
来我部落格的人应该没有一个了吧...
反正我每次都是那个被遗忘的...
没差拉...我也没在期望什么...
就只希望有一天我不会再自己一个人了...
一个人,真的好难过哦...
可是现在心情好差噢...
那两天的好...果然不属于我...
两天后,就像12点一到,魔法婆婆的魔法消失了一样...
灰姑娘的快乐时光也跟着消失了...
而我...我的快乐也瞬间没了...
因为那份快乐不属于我...
不属于我的东西,勉强得到也是得不到的吧...
不安全...我从来都没有真正的感觉到安全过...
每次都是这样...
就在我开始觉得跟疯婆们在一起很安全的时候,我们又到了人生的另一个阶段...
我们最终还是分开了...
虽然舍不得...但是也是没办法的事...
每个人都有自己该走的路...
每个人都在为自己的未来前进...
可是为什么就只有我还在原地踏步呢?
我也很想跟大家一起前进...
可是为什么我还是被那道墙挡着...
怎么也无法走到大家那边去呢?
为什么我终究是一个人?
没有人安慰...没有人鼓励...
没有人关心...没有人责骂...
一个人的就连自己的影子也不肯理我...
一个人哭泣...一个人伤心...
一个人又怎么能开心的起来呢?
虽然我每次都看起来很okay...
什么都不在乎...可是我在乎的东西比任何人都多...
我一点都不okay...
我爱胡思乱想...我什么都想...
该想的,不该想的...
能想的,我什么都想...
有时不是问题的东西都给我想成是问题了...
可能这就是因为我对事情都很不安心,觉得很不安全吧...
怎么办?我越来越不信任我身边的一切了...
一切都跟我想象的一样...
冷漠在两天后又回来了...
关心和关怀又没了...
期望的越多...失望的越大,不是吗?
那我每次为什么要期望那么多?
为什么每次让我觉得一切都不一样了之后,
又让我跌回谷底?让我如此失望...
安全感对我来说好陌生哦...
每次都在期望...
都期望那么多...
我是笨蛋还是白痴?
不属于我的东西,永远都得不到...
不是吗?
I'm just a burden to them... Isn't it?
♥ 11:27 PM