Second week of school, tuesday..
i've already decided not to care.. no more pain.. no more anger.. no more disappointment.. but a gain of dislikeness and hatred.. this is not what i wanted.. i've decided not to care.. to ignore.. to avoid.. but when ever i saw her, my heart will feel the pain.. my heart will feel the disappointment.. my heart will let out a big sigh.. why? why must we be friends until like that? what's the gain? nope. that's none. whenever i see her alone, i feel the ultimate sadness. it may not really be her alone, but even with friends, ones will still be alone right? i felt so sad.. because we used to be so good. we used to hang out together all the times.. maybe not everytime.. but those days was good, isn't it?
_
hey girl, if you're upset that i did not reply that message of yours that day, i'm truly sorry. or maybe you won't even care, i don't know. i have no idea who i really am to you, not a single bit now.. so i really have no idea what i should reply.. i don't know how i should talk to you.. how i should see you.. i really don't know how to face you.. so i avoided having eye contact with you today.. because if i really look into your eyes, i don't know which will come out first.. my anger or my tears.. but be true, i'm disappointed.. not because of what happened recently, but because of other factors.. i don't know if you are aware of them anot.. but i'm truly upset about it.. you have always been one of the important friends to me.. but.. somehow.. i don't know now..
_
i don't know is it me or what.. maybe it's just me over sensative.. but this feeling really don't feel good.. being alone is a super scary thing.. not with your friends make ones sad.. it will also make people who are watching you sad.. i don't know how you feel but this is how i feel. whenever i saw you, i said my heart will feel the pain.. not because of the disappointment, but because when i see you, i really feel a sense of loneliness. you can deny that but that's only how i feel. loneliness is a feel that i will never ever want it. that's why i don't wish people around me to have this kind of feelings too. some people maybe alright with this kind of feelings.. but i'm not.. and if i still know you, i know you too. you hate this feeling too right.. because i've always thought that how we feel are similar..
_
but now i really don't know how i should look at you.. mmm, maybe everyone is tired.. this thing is making school a tiring place to be.. and i don't want that to be like this. so.. i can only do my best to not care about it.. if you really don't care, then let it be.. since i too, don't know what can be done. let it be.. then this feeling of mine will soon fade away.. maybe it will take a few days, maybe months.. but soon it will fade away and i won't feel anything.. if that's really the case, then can i request you.. please don't look at me.. don't have any eye contact with me.. if possible, stay as far away from me as possible.. then maybe this feeling will fade away faster and school maybe a better place to be.
_
i am emotional today. maybe tomorrow will be better.. maybe i shouldn't think too much.. but still.. it will be best if everything turns out fine.. at least let me enjoy my poly life.. let me enjoy being with everyone.. because this is a one and only chance in life. i don't want to have any regrets.. (:

♥ 3:16 AM

WOOTS~~ Today's SO shiok!
went far east with linlin and ser.. hohoho
when to find qiqi's present and SHOP!!
went to eat desserts straight when we reach there..
it's super nice!
especially the green tea flavour one! MY FAV!!!
then went shopping while searching for the present..
ser bought her vest and a hoodie... jacket..?
something like that lahhh
lin bought a long necklace..
i think only that..
& i bought 2 tees and 3 pairs of earrings..
HAPPY~~~
wanted to buy the chambray from far east..
but then.. somehow i don't really like the design..
so i gave up the thought in the end..
then we are like SUPER SUAY cannn~
went to the ATM twice! BUT!!!
everytime until us, the machine will go bankrupt!
no money!!!
zzz
can't they top more money in that freaking machine???
haiiyo~ waste my time..
then went to eat benzhen wanton noodles for dinner..
actually only ser and lin..
i didn't eat.. but then i did eat their fried wanton.. NICE!!
super nice!
mmm, went shopping again.. LOL
OH! finally bought qiqi's present..
a headset.. RED!! so damn sexy.. damn nice cannn
2 for $20 so ser bought it too..
the headset is nice one cannn
if i got mp3 i confirm will buy!
too bad i don't have one.. LOL

♥ 9:15 AM

well, i'm rather happy today.. HAHAH
went jp with hil, nana and woman..
and bought a top from cotton on..
LOL okay, i'm happy cause i bought something..
better than got nothing..
_
then saw damn many things that i wanna buy..
wedge..
chambray..
my sandals(mine spoiled)..
tank tops..
and and and alot more!!
i so gonna be broke! OH NO!

♥ 5:44 AM

Forth day of school..
Alot of things happened, and i'm getting more and more du lan liao..
i think she have to get it clear..
don't step on my tails, don't involve me in..
or i will get the hell out of her..
somehow it seems like i'm dragged into the incident..
because i'm with ...? *think no good to name names*
okay, i don't really care..
but please.. if you dare involve me.. YOU'LL DIE ..
_
LOL
then i remembered..
tuesday morning, gems lesson.
the gems teacher, mr Ng Siah Heng, ask us to name an animal that will represent ourselves..
So, i chose snake..
and my reason is, i can be good, i can heck care...
but once you step on my tails(offend me), i will definitely bite you..
LOL
not bad right.. HAHAH
so i thought this really fit the circumstances now..

♥ 3:42 AM

OH NO! i'm so poor now..
no money no money no money!

♥ 5:32 AM

super sad..
not a good job.. )))):

♥ 8:28 AM

YES! JOB LOBANG!!
I CAN WORK EVEN WHEN SCHOOL REOPENS!!
SO GOOD!!!
HOPEFULLY NOTHING CHANGED..
THEN I'LL BE ABLE TO EARN MY MONEY!!!
MY POCKET MONEY!!!

♥ 11:17 AM

i only thought about myself.. i'm so shameful..
i only thought about me suffering when..
i'm the one who caused my whole family to suffer..
because they have a daughter like me..
they suffer.. what should i do?

♥ 8:35 AM

does he know that what he said hurt me alot alot..? he just kept talking and talking and talking and saying things that he like.. he said things that are soooo awful.. have he ever thought of my feelings? what he said are like knives.. sharp knives that stab mercilessly onto my heart.. it's over.. all over.. this house no longer have a place for me.. HAHAH sso weird.. i'm still saying this kind of things when i'm in poly.. everyone is on the other side.. not by my side.. dad, mum, bro.. no one will be on my side anymore.. i''m really scared to be with them.. because every word that they say will just pierce through my heart.. it hurt me so much that my tears will just drop in less than a second.. without even noticing, they hurt me so much so much.. but to them, this should be what i deserve.. from the past, i have been talking back to them.. i've never once remember not talking back to them.. but now, doubt i can still talking back to them anymore.. since no one is willing to talk anymore.. yeahhh i'm in poly now.. so i turned bad... i'm no longer the guai kia that my parents loved.. bro said this.. all his friends who went to poly most of them turned bad.. but he thought that i won't.. HAHAH he thought too highly on me? so they do think that i turned bad.. LOL okay.. i accept.. i do go shopping more often and go out more.. and i talked back more.. maybe that do consider turned bad..?
_
ohhhh &. bro nearly slapped me again today again... (':

♥ 8:07 AM

i know i shouldn't talk back to them..
but i'm scared.. i'm scared that one day if i no longer talk back to them, it means that i no longer care for this family.. i no longer bother to talk to them..
i don't want..

♥ 11:45 PM

i'm suffering..
please get me out of this house..
please..

♥ 10:26 AM

why is it that tears are falling down..?
why is it that heart is piercing like hell..?
why is it that sad songs seems even sadder than before..?
_
no one cares..
no one cares about each other..
everyone only cares about themselves..
_
HEYY come on~ quarrels and arguments are not adored at all!
why is it that you like quarrels and arguments so much that everyday you'll find things to argue about and things to quarrel..? if you don't like to come into my room, be it! you can don't come in.. you can talk to me by standing outside! if you don't even want to see me, then call me! you won't need to see me or my room like this! i didn't do it on purpose right? sleeping without switching off my laptop and lights.. and i don't do it everytime right?! so why do you keep saying that i did it all the times? SO SORRY if it bothers you sooo much ahhhh just because i didn't switch off my lamp, you scolded me like hell.. saying things until like i'm useless and hopeless.. that lamp is a necessity to me cannn..? because i don't like dark place caan?
electricity used on a lamp and electricity used on a laptop, which one uses more electricity..??
you didn't even say ANYTHING when bro didn't off the laptop.. you didn't even nag at him.. you did nothing! and it's like.. he don't off it EVERYDAY!!! and i'm the one who goes and off it the next day cannn! waste electricity..
SO WHO IS IT MANNNN
_
and please... TSK~ is not a vulgarity or neither am i scolding vulgarities!
so please STOP overreacting when i tsk caannn..?
_
and it's very saddening when the closest people of you does nothing on your birthday alright.. you didn't show that you are happy about my birthday.. you even show me face and say me on my birthday?! heyyy it's my birthday so shouldn't i deserve to have at least that day happy?
and there you are unhappy about me going out to celebrate?
HA HA HA i just can't believe it..
_
so isn't how you treat me the reasons of me not wanting to stay at home now? just yesterday when i thought i should stay at home and go visit grandma in NUH.. and JUST THAT ONE DAY.. i've got scoldings and faces..
without a smile.. you came home and the first thing you did was scold.. then you slammed the door.. so let's see who slammed the door more hardly.. then right after i came out from my bath, you ask if i'm ready to go.. eh please~ i just came out! i haven't even dry my hair! WOMAN!!!! and there you are screaming and shouting like nobody's business!.. then i start to see faces.. nothing but black faces.. not only you.. him too..
_
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY IS HE NOT HAPPY WITH ME!!! IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY THEN SAY IT ALREADY!!! WHAT YOU ARE DOING NOW IS JUST PISSING ME OFF AND NOTHING ELSE!!!
_
staying at home like this is suffering.. so i tried to go out everyday.. everyday so that i can don't have to face all this.. okay.. i am running away cann..? fine then.. let it be.. i'm really sick and tired of this.. the aura at home is no good.. no good at all.. no one will want to stay at home.. trust me.. i'll be happier even if it's just that few hours when i go out with my friends.. i'll be much happier than staying at home.. at least i don't need to listen to scoldings and see black faces..
_
then you.. unhappy because i go out almost everyday.. then who's the one to blame? if home isn't so unstayable.. why would i want to go out everyday? if home is so good that i don't even want go leave, why would i want to go out? because you made my life at home miserable.. that's why there's like no way i will want to stay at home isn't it? then i'm at faults too right? okay then.. it's my fault that i go out everyday..

♥ 10:47 AM

the clock strike twelve, cinderella turned back~
but the good memorise will never be forgotten..
same goes to the bad ones..
_
15minutes after the clock strikes..
i wonder what is cinderella thinking at this point of time?
most probably.. she's thinking of how to get home as fast as possible before her stepsisters and stepmother gets home. HAHAH
_
the clock strikes twelve, and my big day is over..
i've enjoyed it even till the very last second.
23:59:59
but somehow it's sad..
good things always end soon..
in fact very soon..
so soon that how i wished it will never end..
but it's impossible right.. HAHAH
good things that never end = bad things gonna be. LOL
_
was hoping for someone's wishing
but sadly, that person didn't send any.. )))):
_
two and a half hours after the clock strikes twelve.
i was recalling on things that happened yesterday..
today is a new day and a new start..
i'm finally 18.
18..
...
hey cinderella, what are you thinking about now?

♥ 9:01 AM

Happy Birthday to ME(:

♥ 9:55 PM

i'm soooo broke~
and i still need lots and lots of money.. )))):
tuesday going to dye hair..
but my stupid father don't want sponsor me!!!
i no money!!!...
NO MONEY NO MONEY NO MONEY~~~
HOW!!??
_
and now..
i just had a quarrel with him..
ya, stupid..
he keep saying that dye hair spoil hair..
of course i know lah~ please..
but it's not like i everyday or every month dye right..
then he say use money on hair is wasting money..
FUCK LAH!
i use the money on my hair better than he use it on 4D & TOTO right..
that one then call waste money cannn
_
i'm pissed off with him..
now i'm even more pissed..
STUPID!!!
where did my earpiece went to!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHH
PISSED PISSED PISSED!!

♥ 6:56 AM